Synesthesia

woman standing in front of red smoke

And I want to say
god sees all
except this defeat
this blood-sung farewell
murder of regret
is only mine
faith didn’t take me here
I want to die but for myself
that the world may remember,
I am, was,
have been
someone too.

 

 

 

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Woman in Black Top Lying on Bed

If we don’t speak again, I want you to know
I survived.
overrun, barren and sliced to the bone.
with a sudden urge to laugh
out loud.
what kind of disaster am I unless someone
takes notice? Here I am.
your average misanthropist.
judgement angel.
hey sometimes I’m sad call me a bestseller!

fetishize.
advertise.

I’ll parodize myself before anyone else can.
72pt Comic Sans girl.
never learned to start a sentence without
carving up the last.

 

 

 

Love letter to a woman not alive to read it

Two Women Lying on Grass

A friend of a friend of mine killed herself a few months back. She had the same illness as I. I didn’t know it, though. We met at a party. I was scared of her. She was insanely pretty and looked like my high school bully. Eventually she approached and shyly complimented me. I was caught off guard. We talked for a bit and she said she hoped I didn’t think she was some dumb bitch. I felt ashamed. I said she was beautiful. Then we kissed. I never saw her again until the news of her death circulated on Facebook. I wish we had talked more. It probably wouldn’t have mattered, but I wish, god I wish we had.

If I go on this will turn into a rant about me and my own struggle. But this text is for her. So I’m gonna end it right here. I’m thankful to have met you, even just briefly. I’m sorry you lost your fight with bipolar disorder and I’m sorry you felt like you had to go. And for the record, even though I knew nothing about you I definitely never thought of you as some “bitch”. I was just scared.

Love, Henna

 

 

 

Collaterally Damaged

Woman Wearing White Sleeveless Top

as of today a future I
reads the writings on the wall
yesImatternowImatter
It’s November and I’m dragging a corpse behind me
The shell of a girl who couldn’t stay
I say I have done great things
but I went to my graduation with Moomin plasters on my arms
and last night I searched my wardrobe for the steel notebook spiral
the doctor confiscated
and you say
someday someone’s gonna look back at me and smile
saying should have seen that coming
but since summer I’ve felt bored redoing past homework
now I want to be the reason they tell girls not to speak aloud
So go on and live an ordinary life.
You might survive,
but darling, believe me
no one will ever write a fairytale about you.

 

 

Cannibals of Love

Grayscale Photo of Woman Holding Lips

Darling you look like
you’ve never washed the hair
of someone
who hurt you
I’ve always been
your Good Samaritan
offering you
my palate.

How long has it been
since you’ve had a proper meal?

the airport lies abandoned
as we check in our luggage
air sealed hearts
and finger food
we’re cannibals of love
eating farewells
until our next tragedy
takes flight.

 

 

Like what I do? A small request

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Dear followers, I want to tell you that I appreciate you greatly and I smile for every read I get, but if you really want to encourage me to continue writing here, please take a moment to add a comment. Every bit of support counts, so if you like my work, even a tiny ❤ comment will go a long way for me. Peace!

PS. If you’re on Instagram giving me a pat on the back there is much appreciated as I’m currently working on getting it up and running.

https://www.instagram.com/henna_johansdotter/